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Two Simple Ways to Revive the Love in Your Relationship

Are you feeling lonely, even though you are in a relationship?

Are you missing that “loving feeling” that you used to feel when you are with your partner?

If you are feeling this way, you are not alone. The good news is that there may be some very easy things that you can do to start turning this around. You can begin as soon as today, if you are game to give it a go!

Unfortunately, skills that are important for maintaining a healthy relationship are not taught very well in our current society. This is made worse by mistaken beliefs about what the causes of relationship breakdown are.

On that front, most people believe that the two biggest reasons for conflict in relationships are associated with money and sex. The reality is that while these issues can be present, most often they are just symptoms of the hurt that was caused by a lack of nurturing the two most important core elements in a relationship: time and presence.

The single most precious gift you can give to someone you care about is your time. Even so, it is easy to overlook this fact and start to give your time to other things, people, and/or activities, and not realize the negative impact this shift can have on your partner.

That said, you can spend all the time in the world with your partner, while not really being present. If you are “together” with someone, but not actually connecting with them, they will still feel lonely—perhaps even lonelier than they would have felt if you weren’t actually spending time with them. Computer games, watching TV, working on the computer, or texting on your phone might seem benign, but actually can become silent enemies to presence, creating a serious wedge in your relationship.

It may surprise you to learn that improving your relationship may be easier than you think by merely spending more time with your partner—and being more present when you do. The hardest part is making the decision to start to do things that are not your automatic “habits” that you are used to doing.

Changing familiar habits and having the courage to try new things can be a big stumbling block. That said, if you break such changes into small achievable elements, you will be better able to succeed in your efforts and enjoy the privilege of a loving, lasting, and life-giving relationship. What better time to start than this Valentine’s season?

Theresa Nicassio, PhD, Psychologist
Registered Psychologist, Raw-Food Chef and Nutrition Educator, and the award-winning Author of YUM: Plant-Based Recipes for a Gluten‑Free Diet.